Hello 2018! I hope everyone had a good first week. Mine was good and bad. I was surprised that work wasn’t so bad this week, I thought i’d be a lot busier. But I was able to stay on top of things at least and only delegate a few things away. Other than some irrational thoughts i’ve been having, I think it’ll all be okay. I am getting good support of my team and my other co-workers. Now back to those irrational thoughts.
Fear of abandonment and friendships
My anxiety has been at a high point. I can’t shake the irrational thoughts that i’m going to lose some friends. I worry because I set up another couple of friends years ago, and they slowly but surely cut everyone out of their lives, starting with me. They became different people, and I guess it’s for the best, but I still miss the friendships we had.
About a year after that, the female counterpart in that relationship told a mutual friend she had to cut a lot of friends out ‘because they were jealous of her relationship’. Right…that is why I set you up with my friend, because I wanted him for myself lol.
No good deed goes unpunished right? But the other couple that I set up that I talked about last week, they’re different people. They didn’t change for each other, they just fit together and bring out the best in each other. At least I think so. I don’t think you should ever change to be in a relationship, and that’s the difference between the two couples. So I am sure that I am just being irrational and that everything will be fine, but it’ll take a bit to calm me down there I think.
Feeling out of place sometimes in my family
And yet more irrational thoughts, we are going out for my dad’s birthday tonight, and me and my sister in law both suggested places, and instead of choosing the place that’s 15 mins away, we are going downtown through all kinds of construction and having to find parking. All because my family just doesn’t seem to want to cross bridges. It just makes me think that when I move off-island, because I can’t afford to buy a house on island, will it be an inconvenience for them to visit me each time? Sometimes because i’m the youngest I just feel like i’m not taken seriously, even though i’m almost 34 years old. I just feel like the odd one out. I’m tired of feeling that way.
Exercise and the benefits for anxiety
At least i’ve stayed on top of my workouts this week. I really like the new workout i’m doing, Piyo, by, you guessed it, Chalene Johnson lol. It’s very challenging, and I like that i’ll be able to see my progress with it. That’s what I liked about running, and this has the added benefit of being partly yoga, to help me relax. I think i’ll be able to easily stick to it, and I just need to make sure I stay on top of eating better. I do weight watchers, and I find it works really well for me, a lifestyle change more than a diet, I just need to stick to it.
It is definitely helping me deal with my anxiety a bit more by writing about it. Sometimes we just need to write things down to realize how silly our thoughts are, and to calm down a little. People without anxiety don’t realize how much it affects us. Most people with it are high-functioning.
I am a successful person, but when people realize all that goes on inside my head, all the thoughts I have, the overanalyzing conversations hours later when the other person has forgotten all about it, the worrying about what people think of me (although i’ve gotten a lot better there), the fear of change, the reading into things that aren’t there, the wondering why this person didn’t like that on facebook, it comes in all forms. And if you don’t know the struggle, it’s pretty hard to relate. But that’s why I started this blog, to talk about it, and to hopefully show people that they aren’t alone, it happens to many people.
Okay, that’s all I have to say today, i’ll write more next week.