Day: February 4, 2018

Already Sunday!

This week was a pretty good week despite some work stress. I have a bad habit of letting work derail my fitness/health goals. I tend to skip workouts and pick bad food up on the way home. I have to find a way to channel the stress in different ways. Gotta get into better shape once and for all! And what a waste of money. So I tend to meal plan on Sundays, and this week I made roasted veggies and yogurt chicken (chicken dipped in yogurt and then breadcrumbs), and made some roasted tomato soup with my new immersion blender. I am in LOVE lol.

We have to find ways to make it easier on ourselves and get out of the same patterns. I say we, but I am including myself in that. I have to change my relationship with food, and make sure that I find the right time to exercise every day. The exercise i’m doing now, Piyo is a shorter workout, so I have no excuses. And I love it, because I can see my progress as I keep going with it. And I decided that I needed to do something different when it comes to my eating, so I took the next step in my Chalene Johnson obsession lol and I joined the 131 diet. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes, but i’m really excited about it. I ended up wishing Chalene happy birthday on Snapchat and sung her praises, and she encouraged me to try it out. I know that it’s her business, but i’ve loved everything she’s put out there, and she really does seem like she genuinely wants to help people. She doesn’t need to message back everyone who writes her a message, and that’s not the first time she does with me.

I don’t know much about the diet yet, but it seems like it will be what we make of it. It does include intermittent fasting, which i’ve enjoyed, and I think part of it at least will be low carb eating, which scares the HELL out of me, let me tell you, but i’ve seen others have such success with it, and I figure it’s worth a try, even if I try for just a couple of weeks. I need to do something different. I am tired of the struggles with my weight. I will fill you in with how it goes, but it is already cheaper than weight watchers, so plus there, and I haven’t been sticking with weight watchers at all honestly. And this plan comes with a lot of research, expert interviews, and the first week, literally you don’t change your eating habits, it’s all about working on your mindset, and that is something I need. There is talk about hormone regulation as well, and let’s face it, that will help with my anxiety, and occasional bouts of depression.

I am not sure I mentioned the depression, but for me I link it to when I go off my birth control, so once I realized the correlation, I know it’s not something I need to worry about unless I go off the pill at some point, which I assume one day I will.

I had a great night at my friend’s birthday party last night. Broke the ice with my friend who I started this blog talking about. I could tell she was nervous as I was at the beginning, but the awkwardness went away quickly, and I am happy. She is a good friend honestly, and I didn’t want this to interfere with our friendship, or my friendship with her boyfriend who i’ve known for it must be almost 17 years now.

I am super excited about this upcoming week, and starting it off right with trivia at my favorite bar again! I missed the atmosphere. I can’t remember if i’ve mentioned it but every Monday I play trivia at a pub with some friends, and earlier this year we followed the guy who used to host it to a different bar. We weren’t really enjoying it, and the same team kept winning, so we decided to go back to our old place, and not only did we love it, but we won! Now, I am not saying winning isn’t fun, but I prefer when there’s a more even playing field, which there seems to be there. So as long as it’s not the same team winning week after week (including us) i’ll be happy.

I spent some time this week beating myself up because I have a friend, who used to be my best friend up till last year, who just has never been reliable. In 2016 we went through a big fight and she kinda disappeared for about 2 months, and even cancelled on our friend’s wedding a week before. She is the type of person who just is often cancelling on plans, and kind of does what she wants, without thinking of how it affects others. Now, don’t get me wrong, we should all be a little selfish, but I am the type of person who will do things sometimes that I don’t feel like doing because I know it’s important to my friends or family. That’s just me. Maybe I should be more selfish, I don’t know. But I guess because of that fight, and because I realized that I didn’t need her in my life, we really drifted, and I really grew from that experience, and I think that I put up with a lot back then that I shouldn’t have, blamed myself for all the fights, even though it takes two. Not saying I am blameless, far from it, but I would take all of it on because I was afraid to lose the friendship. And I think that honestly, that fear was the glue, and now that it’s not there…well it’s been distant between us. I made a resolution to try and bridge the gap, but the 2 times we were supposed to see each other, she cancelled last minute. So I decided to leave the ball in her court. If people want to be in our lives, they will make an effort. And maybe it’s just not worth that one-sided effort anymore. Yeah, she would make an effort through texting, but actions speak louder than words, and there is very little action on her part. And I feel sad, because I would love to find a way to have some friendship with her, I just don’t know if it’s possible. And the feeling of having ex friends, well it sucks. And when you have anxiety, you start wondering what is wrong with you, but as my friends say, sometimes friendships aren’t meant to last forever. And it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, the friendship just ran its course, and if one person changes/grows and the other doesn’t, or changes in a different way, it can happen that the friendship changes/drifts.

So I think that I have to close this chapter. And if she’s meant to be in my life, there’ll be a new chapter in the future. But I have to try and not dwell on things. I am not a terrible person. It’s just not fair of me to put expectations on another person that aren’t realistic. My therapist told me once, when some people become close, they expect the other person to act as they would in situations. But that’s not necessarily true. When I heard that, it was a lightbulb moment! You have to accept people for who they are, and not expect them to change unless THEY want to themselves. Not to be a doormat or anything, but most of my frustrations would always be because she wasn’t acting like I thought she should, and that’s not fair of me to think that.

Lesson is, don’t carry around worries and dwell on things that are out of your control and you can’t change. That’s a lot of wasted energy and unnecessary anger. Sometimes it does help to get an outside perspective too. You might not always want to hear what they say, but sometimes that is exactly what you need to hear too.

Okay, so that is all for now, I hope you have an awesome week and talk to you on the other side 🙂