Tag: therapy

Fast February

Hey all!

Can you believe how fast February flew by? I certainly can’t. It was a really eventful month for me. Lots of parties, lots of work, lots of changes. I have been loving the new 131 program i’m doing, and learning so much. This past week, I learned that not all sweeteners are created equal. And because of that, I ended up messing with my progress. Also found some hidden carbs in the sausages I was eating! It is challenging, but also very rewarding. And I am excited to have another week of great results.

One thing the program really emphasizes is that it is not a diet. They do not want you to fail. Nobody can be perfect all the time, and you need to be prepared for that. What that means, is that if you slip up, get back on track right away. Don’t wait till after my vacation, or next monday, or whatever it might be. Just keep going. And that has really resonated with me. Also, this being a ketogenic diet at its base, it does help seeing the difference between being in ketosis and not. And what it takes to get and stay in it. It motivates me to stick to it more than I ever thought it would. And I am on track to lose almost 20 lbs in my first month. I’ll take that any day!

March means my birthday is coming. And i’ll be 34 this year. Scary to get older. I struggle a lot with that feeling that I am not where I wished I was at this age. I think that’s pretty common, but sometimes it’s hard to deal with. And this weekend I really struggled. Being the only single person in my family, being one of the few in my friends, it’s hard. But it doesn’t do to dwell on the bad either. I have a lot to be grateful for, and I have to just take better care of myself so I can get to where I want to be.

A new month also means my subscription boxes coming in! I love them. As a gift to myself last year I signed up for fabfitfun, and singlesswag. I wouldn’t have signed up for both, but I liked the idea of getting a box every month with singlesswag. Fabfitfun is only every season. It’s kinda nice trying out all the new products. Singlesswag is a bit pricier since I get it every month, but fabfitfun I find pretty affordable given it’s every 3 months, and look at what you get! I am deliberately not looking at the photo because I kinda like the surprise lol. I will never recommend anything that I haven’t used/tried myself. You can use promo code Welcome10 too if you want to try it out.

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What I also like is that you can customize it. Several of the items, you get to pick between two different products, whatever you prefer. Sometimes 2 totally different products, or for example, the choice of color for clothing or an accessory. And you have the option to add some things on, lots of offers on the site for extras if you want to. I ended up signing up for a year myself because it was cheaper. That was my Christmas present to me.

Singlesswag is also really fun, you get a bunch of little things, some beauty-related, some otherwise, and each box comes with a snack. Sometimes you have to treat yourself! And I love the surprise in the mail. It gives me something to look forward to. Here is what I got last month from them:

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I ended up having my last therapy session this week. A lot that I had been dealing with has resolved itself. My therapist was happy to see my progress. Sometimes you just need a few sessions to get back on track and talk things out. I just really need to take better care of myself really. I have to make sure this time I do it, that I pay down my debt, and lose this weight. Meal planning really really helps with both, and I just need to continue doing that and making other smart choices. Shopping for sales, and no unnecessary spending! I know that I can do it, I just have to remind myself where I want to be at the end of the year.

By the way, I am very open to suggestions. I want to keep this blog going and help people who also struggle with the same issues. I am by no means an expert, but I have made a lot of progress in the last 2 years and am genuinely a different and better person for all the struggles I went through and if I can help or answer ay of your questions, I would love that, so ask away, and please comment away! Would love to get your feedback.

I was hesitant about adding the link for the subscription boxes, but it’s something that makes me happy, and the other things I have shared so far, I am not affiliated with them, but they do help me a lot. I just want to share things with you that help me and make me happy in case they might do the same for you!

Until next time!

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Vulnerability

So me writing this blog has made me feel very vulnerable, very exposed. I guess that comes with the territory. It is a scary thing for me, putting myself out there, fearing any potential judgment. I care a lot about what people think of me. I am better than I used to be when it comes to that, am able to accept the fact that some people may never like me, because I have lots of people in my life who do, and nobody is universally liked. It’s just the truth of the matter.

But I still write, because I love writing, and because I find it helps me to unpack my days and weeks. This past week I went back to therapy. Hadn’t been since last summer, but with my anxiety acting up I felt it was probably a good idea. As often happens when I make appointments to go see my psychologist, most of what I originally planned to go for had resolved itself. I’m not worried about the friendships I was worried about losing to the degree I was a few weeks ago when everything first happened.

As what happened the first time I ever went to see her, we ended up talking about things that I hadn’t really thought about or planned to address. Turns out, I have abandonment issues. I am not really sure where they come from specifically. I have great parents, and I never felt anything like that with them. It might come from one or more past relationships, and certain friendships though. That’s kinda what i’m leaning towards. Is there something leavable about me? What do I think is leavable? Answering these questions was hard, and it made me feel very vulnerable for sure. But then on the flipside of that, I need to think of why i’m NOT leavable. Why I do have friends who will stick by me and that I can count on when I need them. And I shouldn’t let certain relationships dictate all relationships.

There was a certain amount of talking about being taken advantage of. And I don’t think that anyone in my life has ever taken advantage of me intentionally. But there is a sense that I give a lot, and sometimes it feels like it’s not reciprocated. That’s not true about everyone. Many of my friends helped me move, have been there for me in hard times, have driven me home when I needed them to for whatever reason and countless other things. But still, it often feels like i’m left out in the cold. People’s lives move forward and i’m still in the same place, and it makes me question when it’s my turn to have the life I want? Because I feel like i’m due.

I do have a lot to be grateful for in my life, but of course I do want to settle down with someone and all that comes with that. And all I seem to get are guys from my past coming back who don’t want anything serious. It’s getting old. And I feel that my weight really holds me back. I know that it shouldn’t, but I just feel uncomfortable and I don’t like myself as much as I could. And that has to give one way or another (or both lol).

So this week is a new week. I am meal prepping to make sure I stick to plan, i’m going to do my workouts and I am going to work on my financial goals in tandem. And here in Canada, there’s also a very important event to me called Bell, Let’s Talk. It’s a day where Bell Mobility donates 5 cents for every text sent to mental health charities. The goal as is mine is to remove the stigma of mental health issues.

I have been keeping things pretty general and just about my daily struggles with anxiety but I am going to start building a list of topics i’d like to talk about as well to mix things up. Quotes, articles and movies and TV shows and even songs among other things to discuss, as well as discussing my thoughts on other issues.

So look forward to seeing that in the near future. For now, thanks for listening to my ramblings, and see you next time!